reallife

O where, o where have all the men gone? This has become such a terrible reality in the black community today. Statistics say that 70% of black babies are born out of wedlock. This is an incredible figure and it is quite sad. Before I continue this I want whoever reads this not to get offended if this is a situation that you can relate to. This is really a wake up call and I am not blaming women about this. I am simply asking where are the MEN? Why do they leave ,and if they stay why do they avoid MARRIAGE?

This is really something that we need to look at and think about because it needs to change. I have always valued marriage and maybe that is because I come from a two- parent household. Don’t get me wrong now, I was out of line with my first child, but my husband and I made that decision right two months after he was born. I did not want to shack with a man and call him my baby daddy. That was just not in the cards for me. I would rather marry and try to give my children the best shot at life with both of their parents in the home. The reason I can say the “best shot” is because marriage was ordained by God. Who knows what we need better than God?  But what really puzzles me is the fact that “we” (women) lay with a man, play with a man, do all the things we can think of to the man, but we don’t MARRY the MAN! If you really sit and think about that, you will get where I am coming from.

This new attitude about marriage not being necessary to raise and nurture children is actually a new one in the black community. Historically blacks valued the institution of marriage and the traditional two-parent household. In 1890, 80 percent of African American families were headed by two parents, even though they may have started life in forced family seperation because of slavery. Notice that the previous line said “forced”, they did not leave because they wanted to, they left because they were forced to. Even in the 1960s, when blacks were in the height of the civil rights movement, only 23% were born out of wedlock, compared to the staggering 70% of today.

What has happened to us? Why do we not value the home that we all really need and deserve? I have heard many women say that they don’t need a man and don’t want a man. I really do not believe them when they say that, and it really saddens me to hear such words from a black woman. In these days the single black woman doing everything alone has been celebrated. I understand that sometimes she has to do it alone, because of certain circumstances beyond her control. It still hurts me to see her struggle by herself and then claim that she is so happy to have that baggage. In most cases no matter how strong or diligent a mother may be, children have a subconscious knowledge of what is right and wrong in a family set up. Boys turn to their fathers for their sense of masculinity and manhood. If their dads are not around, the streets and group agression are the next best thing for most.

Let me also say that I know there is not a lot to choose from for a lot of women out there today. I am not writing this and telling you to just take any man and marry him just to say you are married. But if there is not a lot to choose from, why are we still sleeping with the men who are not worth our time? Why can we sleep with them, but we can’t marry them? That lets me know that the equation between marriage and sex has been undermined. The truth is that their should be no sex before marriage, this situation is ideal because it gives you a chance to really know someone for who they really are. When you take sex out of the equation then you can concentrate on the character of a man or woman. What we fail to do as women is check out the character of a man. How does he treat his mother? His siblings? How does he handle his money? His time? These are all the things that we should count before settling with a man. Everyone makes mistakes, but even in the midst of a mistake his character will still be there. When you base marriage off of character then you can be sure how your children will be raised. Because what is inside a person will come out. You do not want your children to be raised by an abuser, an alcoholic, a liar, etc… (you get my drift) Another excuse I have heard is the finance part. Well let’s be honest. Finances are important, but it is not the most important. True, you need food, clothing, and shelter, but God did say that he would provide that for you. That does not mean you can sit on your butt and it will fall out of the sky, but if you work you will eat! You may not have all the things you see on TV but that does not mean that your life will be miserable. You can be happy and completely satisfied with having your needs met. That is true happiness, but I will save that for another blog!

The point of this blog was to get you thinking about your current situations and to hopefully make a change for the better. We all need to make a change for our children and our families if we expect to see a healthy community. The problems that our society are facing today cannot be handled externally, but has to be solved internally. We need to have a changed mind and heart and from there we can change the world.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS